What a Pickle!

Knowing how obsessed I am with food, you would probably assume that I shop entirely at Farmers’ Markets and the finest artisan food stores. But I do have a normal life to lead too you know. Like everyone else, my time is restricted to gossiping in central London members’ clubs, perusing art galleries, dining at magnificent restaurants and, when the mood takes me, editing this renowned magazine. With such little free time left over, one needs to choose where one shops with careful consideration.

So you might be surprised – nay shocked – to learn that once in a while I shop at Waitrose. There, I’ve said it. Put me in front of the firing squad, I am guilty as charged. But I must give credit where it’s due, as Waitrose cleverly caters for foodies like me who want to buy local produce but don’t always have time to pop into the farm shop or the local boutique delicatessen. So it was at Waitrose that I discovered the Darenth Valley Pickling Company, though in fairness I would’ve discovered them at a farm shop sooner or later as they are stocked by many throughout their native Kent and further afield too. I am not trying to promote big supermarkets in this article, and I very nearly opted not to mention them at all for fear of siding with the high-street bigwigs, but I thought it only right and proper to mention how I happened upon this gustatory treat.

I was looking to buy some pickle to accompany the ham and cheese sandwich that I had in mind to eat for lunch. And there it was, the Taverner’s Temptation, beckoning me towards its picked pleasures. The label read, “A generous measure of real ale forms the base of this date and apple chutney, reminiscent of traditional country pub lunches.” That was it, I was sold – hook, line and sandwich. My attention was momentarily diverted by their other delightfully named pickles; Eve’s Promise, Dragon’s Breath, Glowing Embers, Squires Chutney, I wanted them all! I righted myself from the giddying stupor and decided to try the Taverner’s Temptation first, before splashing out on such an extravagant purchase of chutneys.

I raced home in my horse-powered carriage, already swooning ravenously at the thought of oak-smoked Wiltshire ham gracing thick slabs of freshly baked farmhouse loaf, the finest cheddar known to humanity, and my newfangled pickle discovery. Cautious not to spoil the other ingredients, I tried a spoonful of the chutney on its own to ensure that its marriage with the fine ham and cheese would not have to be annulled. Did it live up to expectations? By Jove it did! What flavours, what depth! You may kiss the bride!

Now delirious with a chutney-rush, I smothered the sandwich with oodles of the spectacular condiment, barely containing the urge to shovel it all into my greedy gob before I’d actually finished constructing the sandwich. Before me on the plate was a gigantic doorstop of a meal, and did I bother to cut it in two? To hell with that folly! I was alone, nobody could see me, the paparazzi were elsewhere – let the feasting begin! Mouthful after greedy mouthful was accompanied by gleaming eyes and that warm feeling of utter contentedness one gets from a superb banquet or a fine vintage wine.

With the sandwich demolished, I wanted to make another one right away, wanted to sample that scrumptious pickle again, but alas I was stuffed to splitting as if an overzealous taxidermist had got his sinister claws on me, and so I made do with the thought that I had more ham, cheese and delectable pickle to eat the next day. Now my only dilemma is which of their other chutneys to try next…

Taverner’s Temptation and the full range of wonderful pickles are available to order online directly from The Darenth Valley Pickling Company, and selected stockists.