“I am in a state of discombobulation as I find myself eye-to-eye with a pain-stricken Virgin Mary, six daggers protruding from her chest. To my right is a statue of a man about to lose his leg to what looks like a rabid dog…”

“I’m awestruck as his rippling muscles gleam under the intense heat of the Cumbrian sun; an intoxicating mix of earth, sweat and leather floods my senses.” Jessica Baldwin is swept off her feet by a tall, dark, dashing fellow. Move over Mr D’Arcy…

“It’s dark. I am naked, dripping in hot oil. Heavy breathing and panting fills the basement as hands move quickly up my slippery thighs.” A candid insight in to the wonderful world of spa reviewing…

“THUD. I’m dicing with death here. That’s the third coconut to narrowly miss my head. In the Seychelles, more people die from falling coconuts than shark attacks.” Jess visits Desroches…

It was my first evening at Banyan Tree Double Pool Villas in Phuket and an excitable looking Thai man was beckoning me away from my bubbly. “Miss Jessie, please follow me, I have something to show you…”

“I have never really fancied visiting Dubai. Dubai to me has always been like liver, or spinning – I do not need to try it to know that I won’t like it.” Jess puts aside her forebodings and discovers a different Dubai…

“The Grove, London’s self-proclaimed country estate, has played host to everyone from Kylie Minogue to Johnny Depp.” Jess embarks on a celebrity safari in Hertfordshire.