The Chelsea Townhouse’s wifi password – and I hope I’m not spoiling anything here – is “my Chelsea home”. And that is that guests at this civilised, hugely comfortable hotel can expect; somewhere in the heart of Chelsea, where Sloane Square’s bustle gives way to the genteel charm of Pavilion Road, it offers its temporary residents a narrative of refined comfort, where British tradition meets cosmopolitan flair.
It is not at all hard to imagine Bertie Wooster, were he to trade his Mayfair digs for SW1, sipping a martini with a contented sigh, as his new abode suavely balances the homely with the haute, though not without a few curious twists in the tale.
The Chelsea Townhouse, an assembly of red-brick Victorian townhouses, exudes the kind of effortless sophistication that only comes with pedigree. Its well-kempt interiors of polished wood, sumptuous fabrics, and tasteful, never gaudy or challenging art whisper of a bygone era while remaining firmly rooted in the present.
The staff, as one might expect in such environs, are impeccable: friendly without being fawning, and offering attentiveness without unnecessary intrusion. A well-upholstered Chelsea King a study in muted luxury, offered a deeply comfortable bed that invited languor, a marble-clad bathroom that gleamed with promise, and a view over the private Cadogan Gardens that allows guests to gambol and frolic before the metaphorical dinner gong calls.
There are two options when it comes to eating. The hotel has a small but perfectly formed bar, ideal for glasses of champagne and afternoon morsels of carrot cake. Yet if you’re looking for something more substantial, than get thee hence to the nearby Hans’ Bar & Grill, a couple of minutes away on Pavillion Road.
It’s a place that promises “all-day dining” with the kind of quiet confidence that suggests it knows its worth. I sipped on a fine Old Fashioned (this does, I know, sound like the beginning of a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta) and perused the excellent menu, where a few padron peppers and very fine chorizo croquettes keep the wolf from the door.
The menu, overseen by Head Chef Rowen Babe, is a love letter to British produce, rooted in classical technique but with enough contemporary flourish to keep things intriguing. We began with a starter of hummus and flatbread for my dining companion, accompanied by a glass of Picpoul, and an unusual but wholly successful melding of hot smoked salmon, asparagus and New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc for me.
For mains, I opted for the lamb steak, which comes with to-die-for chimichurri, the lamb’s rosy interior yielding to the knife with a sigh. My companion’s onglet had a satisfying tenderness and richness that belied this sometimes tricky cut’s texture, and the sides – including a rather daring couple of onion rings – are brasserie staples done to perfection.
Desserts, accompanied by a glass of Sauternes, are superb; an Eton Mess, in particular, is a riot of summer fruits and perfect meringue, and manages to make the jokes about the education of the average resident of this borough seem almost redundant. The prices, as one might expect in Chelsea, lean toward the hearty —starters in the teens, mains often jumping above the £30 mark — but the quality of the produce and the serenity of the setting go some way to justify the tariff.
As we departed, sated and slightly giddy from a delectable feast, I reflected on the peculiar alchemy of this place. The Chelsea Townhouse and Hans’ Bar & Grill are not revolutionary; they do not need to shout their virtues from the rooftops, unlike certain brasher neighbours. Instead, they offer a quieter kind of excellence, a haven where one can retreat from the world’s clamour and find solace in a well-cooked meal, a well-poured drink and a finely decorated room.
After I awoke the next morning to a very fine room service breakfast, it was all I could do not to wish to leave, and so I did not. Well, not for another hour, at least. Bertie Wooster – a man who avoided rising unless there was no alternative – would have been proud, I think.
The Chelsea Townhouse, 26 Cadogan Gardens London SW3 2RP. For more information, and for bookings, please visit www.thechelseatownhouse.com.
