Effortlessly elegant and as batty as a fruitcake, Erlend Clouston shows me around his beautiful ground floor apartment. Tasteful trinkets, wood panelling, art and good humour are on display here, for sure; but there are some seriously ‘Wallace and Gromit’ moments chucked in for good measure, too.
“This,” says Erlend proudly in his gentle Scottish lilt, “is your Dream-a-Tron. Make sure you switch it on before you go to bed!” And with that he ghosts out of the room and leaves me peering at a small wired box which hangs on the bedstead, complete with an old-fashioned ‘flick’ light switch attached to the side. There is a round speaker on the box. I have no idea what this is.
I’m at No. 2 Cambridge Street, Edinburgh, and it’s quite the most lovely and barking mad B&B I’ve ever come across. Run by journalist, rhythm guitarist and crazy inventor Erlend and his chic French wife Hélène, everything in this place has a story to tell, from the 1860s fireplace to the beautiful bottle of Armagnac left on my dressing table.
When I stumble into the slate-floored vestibule after a hard day’s lobster fishing in the North Sea (bizarre but true), Erlend greets me with a friendly twinkle in his eye. He reminds me of Roald Dahl. In the kitchen, casually scattered flour on the worktop indicates some sort of artisan breadmaking is in progress and a handful of chopped onions has been discarded mid-sizzle for my benefit.
The ‘Philisopher’s Garden’ outside provides a sun trap for summer days and inside, the high ceilings, books, solid silver cutlery, antique furniture and general quiet serenity are a boon to every sense. This is the perfect launch pad to explore the great old city; it’s within sight of Edinburgh Castle and a stone’s throw of Castle Rock, The Traverse and Lyceum Theatres, Princes Street and the city’s largest concert hall.
Number 2 Cambridge Street only has two guest bedrooms, both doubles and ensuite. The bathrooms are five-star jobs, as you’d expect. As I drop into slumber, I remember the Dream-a-Tron and flick the switch. Cue batty music to soothe the furrowed brow. I fall asleep with a smile on my lips.
Breakfasts are described as ‘semi-gourmet’ which makes more sense when I get asked for a choice between Kathmandu-style Cinnamon Yoghurt, Pommes Ribaud, Oeufs a la brioche and Mushroom Taleggio. Beats cornflakes any day.
I choose the Oeufs and sip perfect coffee while I listen to the soporific plod of a grandfather clock intermingled with cheery kitchen noises. Hélène pitches into this soothing soundscape with some tinkling French-accented advice for her husband.
Outside, the weather is typically Scottish, worse perhaps than one could be led to expect. Wind rudely shoves pelting rain sideways and it’s the perfect day to stay inside this eye of the storm, listening perhaps to a little Brahms, picking out a tome or two from the interesting volumes within arm’s reach and sampling some rye bread or a freshly-baked scone.
Unfortunately, I have a train to catch. After my brioche, which is served with two spankingly fresh poached eggs and lined with oily Iberian ham, I say goodbye to my urbane hosts and strike out into the bluster.
2 Cambridge Street, Edinburgh, Scotland. Tel: +44 131 478 0005. Website.
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